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The Fuel

Love Thy Neighbor

The morning promised me a new day and it does often well, but this morning I found myself with memories of her, the woman who broke into my parent's townhome to steal our belongings and my monies. She followed me to Colorado and ended with marrying the man I once loved and it hurts me beyond belief. Her reason was "equality" and "Justice," but where does the justice lie?


Love Thy Neighbor, the verse in the Bible says and I remember that I did not do anything to her, and instead she was sent to me by a lot of hateful people and they all wanted my demise. I have these bouts of memories often and I try to not think of the past and revert to the present moment to help myself and heal. 


The battle goes on each day and each day I meditate to keep those memories away, and to let the bubbles leave me and let go. I realized she took love from me, but I didn't want her to take everything else from me. I will find another love, and I would rather know that I have my sanity and my family intact than to let her take them away too along with my life from self harm. She often stalks me at work and at places I frequent, but I realized that it was all her mental health. I don't want to be her and I don't want to be with her people, whoever they may be. They seemed to be money hungry, lecherous, dirty swindlers and hateful people. I won't want to be with their group and my Father and Mother both told me to let them go, and move on. I have moved on, but memories forced me to let it all out, and meditation asked me to release it unto these pages to let go of the heartaches and the longing for him. I don't deserve to be treated lesser than good. I've been through too much and was hurt beyond belief that I went to the hospital and almost took my own life. I don't deserve to be surrounded by her people and even the man I once loved would want her to be around and to pay her alimony and hurt me in return. 


I am now conscious of the evils that she did and what the man I once loved would be willing to do for her, which is everything. I don't want to be them, and I deserve better.


Love Thy Neighbor, well, I didn't love mine, and I found it self-preserving to not love her and him. They caused me my life and they caused me my mental health and well being. It was with respect for myself that I don't love them, and to keep myself intact and care for myself to not love them. I chose to forgive them, but that's about the bottom line. I want to make sure I will be healthy and be protected from their abuses that they did to me, and protect my own family and our children. We were targeted often in California and I don't want them to keep hurting us and hurting my parents and our children. It has to stop. They came from a place where group violence was a norm and it was to my benefit to not love them. 


It was to love them that I chose to not love them. They needed to learn their own behavior and the evils they did to me. They hurt me and broke into our home and hurt my parents behind their backs, when we were also low income and hurting ourselves from the sexual assaults and the bullying and they kept on. We have to stop loving them, it was too unbearable for us to live with. We needed to help ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I was not prejudiced or racist towards her, she broke into our home and stole our belongings and my money, so it was not about her race, it was about her behavior. She knew she did wrong and she kept on with it. They have to keep away from now on, including starting with me and my memories, and the thoughts of the hurt they caused me. A lot of pain were inflicted by them and I don't want them to inflict pain upon my brothers and sisters. We became smarter and we now know how to help ourselves and to protect ourselves, and it would start with the police department and then the prosecutions with them against us and legal means will be taken towards them and their abuses and even to the man I once loved and their involvements with her. I stopped caring for them and their well being. I was once very cautious of them and what they would want, but now...I want them to go to jail.

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