Dark were my days in 2007 and darker was my mind with it. There were times when all I had was anxiety, but there was a horizon unbeknowest to me upcoming to my life in the middle of Spring that year. Tucson, yes, Tucson, Arizona, in a Jewish Temple where I met Rabbi Harold Kushner, I realized that God had trespassed all forms of doubts that formed a barrier inside my heart. The Jericho wall fell down, through a rabbi.
At first I wanted to give up, because there was no such thing was belief inside me, and I didn't feel any changes in my heart. But, something tugged at me since I was a wee child, and that was the study of the Jewish culture and religion and racism, as I read the Serafia and felt a little closer to the real thing along with the Bible. It wasn't until I read, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, that I also realized that I needed God. I needed Joy and Hope that came along with it because I thought I was worst case scenario, but with God I was more than just a statement. I wanted more for myself, so I went to Tucson, to meet the him, Rabbi Kushner, and he uttered, "Small Doses of Joy, makes big changes."
I lived it, and treated myself, sometimes for just a Green Tea, and other times, Ice Cream, and yeah....so what with the weight gain, I was raped, who would want me after that, right? Wrong...people started to realize I changed, and my parents told me I was brighter and I tried harder, and I wanted more for myself that just hanging around the house on medication after a hard day at work. I wanted to go to work with a passion, and I wanted to go back to school for my graduate studies. The true statement rings bells in my ears, God Saves, and through Rabbi Kushner, I felt a change, more than I what I could have done alone. I needed his help and his small push towards me.
Since then, I called it the Kushner Method. Small doses of treats and joys, and satisfactions, and hope in any form, and they are there (trust me) and you can find it anytime. When there were bad news, I look at pictures of funny animals, or when I fell down, I walked another mile to break more calories to lose weight. When the dog bites and the bee stings, and when I was feeling sad, I put on a funny flick on the telly or treated myself to a movie. Then, there I was...bad for a moment, but back for the long haul.
The Kushner Method worked and it might be harder with age, because it gives us all a skeptic brain, but if one just trusts as a child, it will work. I trusted the kind Rabbi, and until now, I ascribe to his teachings, although I'm Methodist/Presbyterian, and I didn't worship in a Jewish Temple, whose to say I wasn't allowed? God sometimes uses others, and in peculiar ways that the weakest became the cornerstone that was stronger than I. The Rabbi was a holy man I trusted because he didn't want to see harm for me, he wanted healing, even for a gentile.
I realized I was not alone, because there were about a hundred or more people in the audience, who sought his wisdom and saw him at the conference and bought his books. I knew Brene Brown was his competition, but boy, would she get a run for her wisdom. I love both, Brown and Kushner, but most of all, I do believe in God. Not because I was in a cult of some holy roller with a mission to proselytize everyone, instead I wanted to share my story. I was a survivor and I was trying to survive and I sought help. Now....I would be called a thriver, stable with my job and my heart and mind, and allowing the world to take shape without restraint and fears. The Kushner Method gave me resilience, and I became who I was meant to be, a writer, a beautiful woman and all in the making towards success in my own life, in my own ways. No shame with unbelievers, I wasn't writing this to put you down, but I wanted to share my story about the Kushner Method, and my gratitude for him.
Thank you Rabbi, if we ever meet again, I will give you a hug.