A lot happened since I last posted. My Mom went to the hospital twice and is now just getting out of rehab. I am slowing down and taking a break from certain things, realizing that I can't do all things on my own and I need rest. Sometimes it takes a lot for me to rest, but it really shouldn't be that way. A part of healing is knowing when to stop.
The windy road of healing is such that I couldn't realize things were going to need to stop being the center of my attention because things were important. I just kept working on my projects and on the healing process while caring for my Mom and thought that I was spending time wisely, until I had to stop. Spending time with my Mom counts as my highest priority right now because I don't know how long I have with her. I had to stop writing but I promised myself to continue to read and to pray. Prayers and supplications work best when there are things to petition and to plead aside for being just grateful. I am truly grateful for my life, even through the rough patches and the brutal violence, I am still grateful my life was spared from death as it came so close. I won't stop writing but I have to stop for just the time being.
It has been great grinding it down each morning and evening, late at night on my chair narrating a voice that is my own. It has been a privilege but I think a part of the process is this resting period, the waiting time, and the time away from the project. I will use my time to spend with my Mom, and I know this time is precious. I would take her on her wheelchair and just sit under the afternoon sun waiting for the sky to turn slightly dark, then go back inside. We enjoy sipping tea in the hospital room, and drinking a bit of chai latte, while taking bites of sliced apples. It feels like time slowed down in my life and it feels nice, everything slow, steady, and just peaceful.
The world goes so fast that we forget that the simplest things are necessary. Hugging, drinking water, having the privilege of fresh fruits and bread, going to the bathroom, taking a shower. These simple things are rushed during my time away from my Mom, but when I am with her, everything slows down. I am happy I am choosing her over my own tempting routine. I know I won't have this time back and I promised myself that when my Mom goes, I want to be able to inhale a sort of peace that I gave it my all. I've helped her as much as I could and I cared for her as much as I could.
My time now is worthwhile with her, and I am pleased.
#JustWrite