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The Fuel

Joe Schmoe

 Joe Schmoe, our friendly manly neighbor who looked just like any man in the neighborhood, wanted to do something different. Joe wanted to do something more differentest than the most different of the differentest. He decided to grow his armpit hairs because he believed that life needed to be something special. He wanted people to remember him as the guy with the longest armpits hair, because this way, although he looked like any guy in the neighborhood, everyone will remember his hairy armpits.


He took one stretchy rubber band and tied the hairy part of his armpits after he braided it into a twist. He definitely became odd, more than the oddest of the odds.


Days passed and the hairs on his armpits grew longer, so he had to take his rubber bands and re-braid his hairy armpits, everyday.  Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months and became years, as Joe Schmoe kept braiding the hair on his hairy armpits, until it looked like a pony tail underneath his armpits.


He realized he needed to wash his pits because he didn't want it to smell as foul, as it began to smell like a foul smelly man of the foulest.  He finally took sometime to wash his armpits hair, and also his hairs on his head.


"If I grew the hairs on my head, I wouldn't have been the differentest of the different of them all. What would be special about that?" said Joe Schmoe in the shower, a man similar to any other man in the neighborhood, except for his hairy armpits.


As the years passed by some more, his hairy armpits became yards and yards long. The braids that were made of the hair on his hairy armpits became stringy and sticky during the day, as it also smelled soury. The twisted braids grew so long, it started to come out of his shirts and down to his knees.


"Eww, his hairy armpits are coming out of his clothes. Gross hairy armpits man!" said an honest kid in the neighborhood.


Joe smiled and said, "That's right kid. Remember this day, you just met Joe Schmoe, the man with the hairiest armpits of the hairy armpits."


The kid ran while covering his nose and yelled, "JOE SCHMOE IS GROSS, HIS ARMPITS ARE STINKY AND HAIRY!!"


Joe was baffled, because he thought people would congratulate him, but seeing how the little kid ran, Joe was flabbergasted. He looked down onto his hairy armpits and thought, "Maybe I just need to rewash it again."


He went home at that moment, decided to take a quick shower and washed his hairy armpits for hours, until he believed he smelled clean.  He dressed himself up, and braided his armpits hair then twisted the hairs on his pits to make himself look sharp.


He went outside his door and there were neighborhood kids and adults in front of his house.


"You should really shave your armpits, it is not good for children," said Loud Man from the East side of the neighborhood.


"You are starting to smell foul and your hairy armpits will repel other people from becoming your friends," said a Loud Lady, while covering her daughter's eyes from seeing some man's hairy pits.


Joe became so sad and walked back into his home with a somber attitude. He sat on his couch, and thought, "I wish I was different than the rest of the neighborhood, and be loved for it."


He went to the shower and decided it was time to shave his pits, and in a few minutes all of his hair from his hairy armpits were shaven off. His armpits were hairless, and he smelled his pits and said, "I know…. I will grow my nose hairs!"


The End. Just write.

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