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The Fuel

In case you're reading this....and in case you are alone.

Sometimes I hang on by a string, and I could hardly speak of my trauma. It all started when I was abused, since I was young. There was so much fear inside me and I often felt I won't make it in life to be a stable adult. I still felt this way, even now. I just hope and pray that those moments won't spiral and I end with suicidal ideations. For some people, like me, there would be moments when it feels like no one cares. If you do feel this way, dial 988 or dial 911. I don't want you to think that you were meant to leave this Earth before your time. You're important to me, and I have so much compassion for those who have mental health issues.


When I tried to end my life, I almost swallowed all of my pills and another time, I wanted to slash my wrist; but there came a moment when my late father broke the door down when I was in the bathtub, and the earlier time, when my brother slapped my hands from swallowing my pills. There were people who cared about me, and I was lucky. AND.... I know there are people who cares about you.


If you want to end your life, don't. It's a deadly solution for a temporary problem. The thoughts are fleeting and often it comes in spurts, as I deal with PTSD and Depression and I know first hand, how the trauma works. 


Just Breathe, and let it bubble through you and dial 988. At the other end of the phone is a person who cares for you. 


Today is September 10, 2023, and it is World Suicide Prevention Day. I lost friends from suicide (5), and as a suicide survivor (a person who attempted but lived through it), I want you to know that I feel it is more profitable that I lived than died. I have so much to show and to give the world, even when those asshole haters still want me to die and trust me, they come often into the fleeting thoughts, and the memories of the assaults and the bullying still hurts, but don't hang around those thoughts. You are meant to live, not to die. 


Today is special for me, because I survived it and I'm a survivor, and I survived through so much. I love you, and I know you, and if you don't think I do, just let me know that you are a suicide survivor and I already know you by heart. We are kindred spirits, and we need to stick together, to survive together and to be stronger and to live until our last breaths.


Live long and prosper my friend. Dial 988 or Dial 911, and yes....I care.




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