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The Fuel

I can't wait to get older!

I'm at a point where I don't care what happens, I just want to live to 100. I know other people have the opposite reactions and would love to just live to 70, but not this girl. After watching The Golden Bachelor last night, I am so excited to get older, not because of the prospect of having love at an older age, but I think people become kinder if they're aging with supportive people around them. Right now, I have girlfriends and guy friends who are so kind and they are so supportive and happy that I'm helping my Mami and writing and working retail at a place that makes me happy. I'm really excited about getting older and being with my friends and hanging out talking about everything life has to offer, even as we are all aging gracefully. 


I know, and it was verified by their stalking phone calls and abusive phone calls that some people aren't happy that I'm getting support and writing and being happy, but to hell with them. I could care less if they died. They've never been that nice to me and they just wanted to use me to get to better people and most of all, the women I was friends with want to abuse me to get to my boyfriends and ex-boyfriends. I have enough worries with caring for my Mami, so those people should already be happy anyway because they succeeded in abusing me and I did nothing to harm them.


I'm happy that I'm writing, and it makes me happy and it heals me. Some days I'm writing nonsense and writing about my traumas and heart aches, but I'm still writing. Other days, I am writing about hopes and faiths and walking with confidence that someone out there received hope and help from my writing. I'm really thinking deep about the things I write and I do write it to help others and not to just help myself. I'm 100% writing to help myself already, but the thought of it helping others, gives me a lift that no one can take. My craft will only get better as I age and I'm so excited! I can't wait to get more mature and to enjoy my maturity. My late Papi sometimes tells me that I'm like a kid, but I know I was a mature kid because I was already taking care of my parents by the age of 35. I'm happy I did, and the happiness took maturity.


With my Mami, I'm so happy that I'm caring for her. Some days it is heart breaking to see her ache and I was scared when she fell down while walking on the sidewalk, but even during the pains, there was joy and I'm happy with her. I'm not always thinking about marriage or thinking about love all the time. I just walk my life and just keep it going with my job, my Mami and my writing and my pup, Mimi. Life is going to get better, and I'm excited to get older because I think by that time, no one will care if I'm dating or not (thanks to The Golden Bachelor, I now believe that I can be found by true love), and no one will care to sabotage that relationship because I've had problems with women sabotaging me and hurting me since I was 15 years old.


I am excited, and I am hopeful, THANK YOU THE GOLDEN BACHELOR. I am now happy that I watched this show, after getting bored of the violence and trauma associated with the show the past few years.  I am a fan. 




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